


Remembering How To Fly

by elyssblair



Category: Mighty Ducks (Movies)
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-09 11:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1981035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elyssblair/pseuds/elyssblair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam left Eden Hall when he was sixteen for more reasons than just hockey. Four years later, he and Charlie end up on the same team once again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remembering How To Fly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [speakingwosound (sev313)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sev313/gifts).



Adam settled deeper into his booth in the hotel lounge, sipping at his beer and grinning like crazy while he watched the NCAA hockey tournament final on the TV behind the bar.

A handful of his Seattle Blue Whales teammates and coaches sprawled around the lounge watching Minneapolis University take on Clarkson with varying levels of interest. Most of the team had chosen to go out to celebrate their road game win to clinch a playoff spot. Others disappeared up to their rooms for some peace and phone calls with family.

MinnU was up two nothing, and both of those goals belonged to Charlie Conway. Pride and regret ached in Adam's chest while he watched, eyes fixed on his old Duck's teammate more than he followed the puck. Leaving Eden Hall at sixteen to join the CHL had been one of the hardest decisions he'd ever made. Even getting drafted into the NHL two years later hadn't convinced him it had been the right thing to do.

Then, with an athletic move, Charlie took a backhanded shot and the puck sailed past the goalie.

"Hell, yeah. Way to go, Conway!" Adam shouted and slammed to his feet, beer sloshing over his raised hand.

Nate Smith, his team captain, turned away from the bar to smirk at him.

"Wow, Banks. That's more emotion than I've seen out of you all year. Save some of that for our own playoff run."

Adam felt the heat rise in his cheeks and tried to think of a smart comeback. The team ribbed him about his quiet, reserved nature all the time, but they also respected it. Nothing came to him, though, so he shrugged and sat back down, focusing once again on Charlie. And the rest of the MinnU team, of course.

The announcers were still gushing over the play when Adam tuned back in to what they were saying. "… another hat trick for the sophomore captain. NHL teams should be looking hard at Charlie Conway in the draft this summer."

"Hey, Banks," Coach Scott called from his booth in the corner. "You played with this Conway kid in the Junior Goodwill Games, right?"

"Yeah, and at Eden Hall, while I was there."

"Why didn't he go into the CHL when you did?"

Adam knew the coach really wanted to know whether Charlie had been good enough. What so few scouts saw was, other than genetics and luck, in every way that counted, Charlie was better than Adam. Still, a few noticed his talent and he'd had some interest.

"He could have," Adam answered, not doubting for a second Charlie would have excelled. "His mom was really big on education, though."

Unlike Adam's own father, who'd actively encouraged him to leave school at 16. Who cared if Adam got an education? As long as Philip Banks got to bask in the reflected glory of having a son in the NHL, nothing else mattered.

"She was a single mother and he didn't want to disappoint her by not at least graduating high school."

Coach nodded in understanding and went back to watching the game.

Adam relaxed back into his seat and slowly let out a long exhale. Talking about Charlie, thinking about him, always left Adam tense and off-kilter. Thinking about his own reasons for leaving school only made it worse.

#

After the conversation during the NCAA tournament finals, Adam hadn't been surprised when he'd watched the draft and heard the GM of the Blue Whales select Charlie in the first round. The idea of playing with Charlie again was exhilarating and terrifying.

The highlight package they'd shown hit a bittersweet place in Adam's memory . The network couldn't resist showing footage from their District Five days as well as the Junior Goodwill Games and Eden Hall right along with Charlie's two years at MinnU. Adam still missed his days with the Ducks. Still missed having Charlie as his best friend.

Sometimes he wished he hadn't let them drift apart, even if deep down he'd know it was for the best. Not that Charlie let him get away with completely disappearing. Adam still got birthday cards and Christmas cards every year. Now he'd have to figure out how to be on the same team with him without letting on to the deeper reasons he'd all but walked away from their friendship.

Unfortunately, he had less time to think about it than he'd expected. The Sunday morning following the draft, Coach Scott called him. The number on his caller ID made his heart lodge in his throat. There was always the brief moment of terror that he'd been traded or worse in the insanity of off-season moves.

Somehow, the words his coach actually said hadn't done anything to ease his hammering heartbeat.

"I want you to call Conway and welcome him to the team. Give him advice or help or whatever he needs."

It took a second to process the request before he blurted out the first words that found their way to his lips. "Isn't that what the captain does?"

"Yes," Coach answered with a sigh. "And Nate will. I figured, since you were old friends, there were things he might be more comfortable talking to you about. Is there a problem?"

The last question was sharp and Adam tripped over his own tongue to reassure his coach he had nothing to worry about.

"No. Just… didn't want to step on the captains toes."

So now, here he was, staring at his phone. He remembered what it was like. Even two years in the CHL hadn't really prepared him for the NHL. Some great guys had reached out to him and it had been a lifeline. Especially since, by that point, he'd distanced himself from both his family and his old friends.

Charlie had is mom and Coach Bombay, who'd both been with him in Philly at the draft. Coach Orion was probably still in his life, too. Not to mention the Ducks and his MinnU team. Charlie had a way of making family around him wherever he went. It's what made him such a great captain.

Still, Adam owed Charlie a phone call, at the very least.

As a kid, Adam hadn't been outgoing and gregarious like his father and brother. He'd been odd, quiet. Hockey had been the one place where he'd felt like it was okay to be himself. His friendship with the Hawks had always been conditional on his abilities. It was never that way with Charlie, though. Even when they weren't playing hockey, Charlie always seemed to be happy to have Adam around. Whenever his father's pushiness drove him to the limit, he wandered down to the skate shop or the diner to find Charlie. They sat for hours, sometimes talking about hockey and school and whatever was going on around them. Sometimes simply sitting in comfortable silence.

Unfortunately, that easy camaraderie was buried in the past. The confusing, frightening epiphany that his feelings for his best friend weren't strictly platonic had pushed Adam into walking away from the Ducks, Eden Hall and Charlie without a backward glance.

Adam couldn't quite force himself to make the call. He really needed to steel himself before talking Charlie again. Needed to bolster his defenses to make sure his feelings didn't bleed through.

Instead of calling, Adam took the cowards way out and settled for a quick text, instead.

_Welcome to the Whales! Can't wait to play together again. Let me know if you need anything or have questions._

It was lame, but he typed it six times and it never got better.

He tried to excuse it, convincing himself it was best. He didn't want to interrupt. Charlie would be busy in Philly with his mom and Bombay. Or, if he was already back in Minneapolis, busy celebrating with teammates, old and new.

So when his phone beeped a few minutes later, he really was surprised to see it was from Charlie.

_Are you home?_

Adam glanced around the bland apartment he kept in Minneapolis for the off-season. It was nearly identical to the bland apartment he kept in Seattle. Neither of them would be distinguishable from the hotels he stayed in for road games. He didn't really have a home anymore. Not that the professionally styled statement house where he'd grown up hadn't been much of a home, either.

Hockey had been his only home.

But that wasn't what Charlie meant, so Adam texted back a quick _yes_.

Almost instantly, his phone beeped again.

 _Awesome. Let's get lunch tomorrow._ Followed by restaurant details.

Adam blinked at his phone, took a steadying breath and rubbed his hand over his face. He wasn't ready to see Charlie again. Wasn't ready to put on a mask and pretend his feelings were purely platonic. Then, again, he was never going to be ready. So he bit his lip and sent back.

_Sounds good. See you tomorrow._

_#_

Charlie was already at the cafe, sprawled in one of the wrought iron chairs on the patio. Adam paused on the sidewalk to take a deep breath. It was too late to walk away, unless he wanted to quit hockey, too. And that was never going to happen.

Then Charlie looked up, caught sight of him and the grin became a full-blown smile. Before he knew what hit him, Adam was wrapped up in a tight hug.

Adam had watched Charlie play over the years. On tapes of Eden Hall games, the footage of the NCAA tournaments. He'd even caught a couple of MinnU games in person. He hadn't seen Charlie up close and in person, though, since they'd hugged goodbye on his last day at Eden Hall.

The close crop hair and scruff made it clear Charlie was no longer the floppy haired kid Adam remembered. His body had filled out, as well. Broad shoulders, strong arms and powerful legs pressed against him as the hug kept going until Adam forced himself to pull back. Reluctantly.

"Man, it's so good to see you," Charlie said saving Adam from figuring out how to untie his tongue. "Let's get food and catch up."

Adam swallowed hard and sat down at the table. He let Charlie carry the conversation all through the meal, answering questions about the team and the city and the NHL. He couldn't help relaxing. Smiling when Charlie laughed. Leaning in when the topics turned serious. It felt like no time at all had passed since they'd sat in the booth in the diner, sharing secrets and doing homework.

Eventually, the dishes were cleared and the conversation slowed and Adam realized they'd been sitting there for nearly two hours. Charlie stopped talking altogether, bit his lip, leaned forward to brace his elbows on the table, shoulders hunching a little.

"I missed you, Adam."

Adam choked, eyes pricking slightly when the unexpected burst of emotion rolled through him.

"Me, too. I missed you, too, Charlie."

"Then, why? You stopped calling. Stopped returning calls. Why'd you practically disappear after you left school?"

Adam froze for second, terrified and paralyzed by emotions he couldn't express. With a roll of his shoulders, he forced himself to press everything down and answer with as much honesty as he dared.

"I missed you," Adam repeated then ducked his head. "I missed the team. It hurt. To hear you guys going on together, without me. When I was back to not fitting in, again."

"Oh. I'm sorry. If you'd said something… we could have…"

"Not told me what was going on in your life? That would have left what was going on with me." Adam shrugged and looked away. "You know I've never been great at talking about me."

Honestly, he'd never been good at talking at all. He hadn't needed to, with the Ducks. There was an overabundance of extroverts on the team happy to carry the conversation. Especially Charlie, who understood him, even when he never said a word.

Charlie laughed, frown easing. Before he got a chance to tease Adam, though, his phone buzzed. He glanced down, eyes widening and lips pulling down into a frown.

"Damn. I didn't realize how long we've been talking. I was supposed to meet my mom fifteen minutes ago." Charlie's lips pulled down into an uncertain frown. "I should…"

"Go. Tell your mom I said hi."

"Yeah. Okay." He got up and stopped. "We should hit the old rink tomorrow."

"Sure. Text me. We'll do something.

Adam watched Charlie walk away, heart feeling tight and twisted in his chest. Lunch had felt like a step back into his childhood. Just another easy conversation about hockey over simple meal. Those talks changed once they'd gotten to Eden Hall. Suddenly, they'd become more and more about Linda. Then Emily. Then Karen.

It had taken Adam nearly his entire freshman year to figure out why that irritated him so much. Then he'd ducked out of a school dance and stumbled upon Charlie making out with yet another new girlfriend in a secluded hallway. He'd watched, unnoticed, way too long until  horrifying realization struck. The burning frustration and hurt gnawing at his gut was about more than sharing Charlie's time. He wanted more than friendship. He wanted the attention and affection and attraction his captain showered on girl after girl.

He'd spent the rest of his time at Eden Hall fighting to hide feelings he couldn't get rid of. Terrified he'd give himself away by staring too long, standing too close, touching too much. He didn't know what reaction would be worse, Charlie disgusted and hating him. Or Charlie pitying and apologetic.

He really hadn't wanted to find out, either. So, when the scouts came calling it was with a bittersweet relief that he moved on to the CHL. It still felt like he'd left half his soul behind, though.

Now, he was back where he started. Craving whatever moments he could scrape together with Charlie and scared he wouldn't be able to hide everything he felt.

#

Unsurprisingly, Charlie was already on the ice when Adam got to the rink. He'd never been what anyone would call graceful, but there was something about the way he moved. All focus and passion and driving need. Adam had always loved the opportunities he got to just watch Charlie play.

Spending the day staring like some kind of stalker wasn't going to keep his feelings in check, however. Or keep them a secret. Adam squared his shoulders, grabbed his gear and went out to meet Charlie on the ice.

They ran through some drills, talked about conditioning and played a of one-on-one games. They were winding down when Charlie cocked his head and grinned like a lunatic.

"I brought a surprise."

Adam couldn't help grinning back. "Oh, yeah? What?"

"You'll see."

Charlie skated over to his bag and pulled out something with a triumphant flourish.

Adam couldn't help the laugh that rolled out when he saw the cardboard carton of eggs. One of Bombay's favorites.

"Yeah, okay. I haven't done that in years."

It took them twenty minutes to destroy all the eggs. Another twenty to clean up the worst of the mess they made. Adam was glad he kept a change of clothes in his bag so he didn't have to go out in public looking like the victim of some out of season Halloween prank.

Outside the rink, the warm summer sun was a stark contrast to the chill of the ice. Despite Adam's determination to limit his time alone with Charlie, he already regretted it was ending.

Then Charlie nudged his shoulder and said, "Let's get some ice cream."

"Yeah, okay." The agreement tumbled out before Adam let himself think it through.

They ditched their gear in their cars then walked to the shop a couple of blocks over. Once they bought a couple of over-filled cones, they settled side-by-side on an outside bench.

"Days like this, I still feel like the ten year old who first put on the Duck jersey," Charlie murmured.

Adam nodded, turning to agree but the words died in his throat when he watched Charlie lick a trail up the melting ice cream. His body stilled and his mind went completely blank with a hunger that had nothing to do with the food in his hand. After staring too long, he forced himself to shift his eyes away and take shallow breaths while he watched the traffic go by without really seeing it.

He should find an excuse to go. To limit their contact and hide himself away. More time with Charlie wasn't going to help the aching crush Adam had. Now that Charlie was back in his life, though, he didn't want to give it up. Having him as a friend was better than not having him at all. Four years hadn't tempered those feelings. Distancing himself the couple of months until training camp probably wouldn't make a dent, either.

Charlie finished his cone and asked, "Same time tomorrow?"

Adam smiled back helpless and hopeless and said yes.

#

After that, they spent nearly every day of the off season together. At the rink, at the gym or on Adam's alternately watching old games or playing X-box.

It was both the best time of Adam's life and pure torture. He'd forgotten how much he laughed with Charlie. How easy it was to relax with him. To be himself, with no worry and no apology.

He'd also forgotten how easy it was to fall for Charlie. How hard it was not to let all those messy feelings burst out into the open. To not let himself lean in to the friendly touches Charlie threw around like candy. To not allow himself to return the affection too often or to allow it to linger too long when he did.

It got even harder in Seattle.

It only made sense for Charlie to move in to Adam's apartment rather than get his own place. To wait and see what happened with the team and give him a chance to get to know the city.

Adam couldn't stop thinking about sleeping a thin wall away. Couldn't stop sitting to close on the couch, though Charlie never seemed to notice. Couldn't stop watching him, breathing him in and wishing living together meant _living together._

And of course, those awkward moments when Charlie would wander around in his towel after a shower, or in his boxers first thing in the morning.

Still, Adam managed to keep a lid on the worst of his impulses. He learned to enjoy the quiet moments they spent together, and even found himself enjoying the times Charlie dragged him out to a bar or a club. Thankfully, so far, Charlie hadn't brought home any of the girls that flirted with him.

The start of the season was fast pace and exhilarating. The team was off to their best start since Adam was drafted. Charlie was a little impatient that he hadn't gotten his first goal yet, but he was playing well. Adam even started to relax and believe he could handle being friends, could keep a lid on his feelings and be happy just to have Charlie in his life again.

Then they played Vancouver and everything went to hell.

Charlie _finally_ got one in the net and Adam couldn't help himself. He hugged Charlie into the boards, shouting nonsense while they clung together sharing the joy.

Vancouver's center, Gunnar Stahl, skated past them with a sneer.

"It's so nice to see high school sweethearts reunited. It's like a Lifetime movie."

Adam stiffened, pulling away, afraid somehow his feelings had showed through in his celebration. Charlie frowned at him then turned on Stahl.

"Wow, all this time and you're still jealous we beat you in the Junior Goodwill Games?"

Charlie and Gunnar traded a few more jibes while they skated away and Adam realized he'd overreacted to harmless trash talk. Back on the bench, Charlie stared at him with a confused frown but Adam refused to look back, keeping his head down and his focus on the ice.

Despite the win, the ride back to their apartment was silent and tense. Adam knew he should say something, but he had no idea how to explain without making everything worse. He had every intention of heading straight for his room and giving himself a reprieve until breakfast to figure out what to say.

"Adam?"

The soft confusion and hurt in Charlie's voice stopped him short. He took several fast, bracing breaths before turning around.

"What was that? On the ice? I've heard guys on our team say way worse to you and you don't even blink."

Adam opened his mouth, but he still had no idea what to say so he just shrugged.

Charlie nodded sharply, jaw tightening before he finally asked, "Is it because I'm bi? Does it make you uncomfortable?"

Adam felt like he'd been checked into the glass, all the air left his lungs and dizziness swept away all thought.

"Because if it's a problem, I can find someplace else to stay—"

"NO!"

Charlie startled at the vehemence and Adam winced.

"I mean you don't have to go. I didn't know… That's not why…" Adam swallowed hard and forced himself to say the words out loud for the first time in his life. "I'm gay."

"Really? Since when?"

For a second, hysterical giggles threatened to burst out. He could only imagine Charlie's reaction to the truth. _Since I saw you making out with some random chick and really, really wanted it to be me._ He swallowed it back though, and shrugged. "Always, I guess. Just, hockey was always more important, so…"

Charlie nodded. "Yeah, I get that. That's why I always tried to make the girls really obvious, so no one noticed the guys."

Optimism bloomed despite his best efforts. Maybe his hopeless crush wasn't so hopeless. Maybe he could take the chance.

Except, Charlie was still looking at him exactly the same as he always did. Amusement and affection, but nothing new, nothing… speculative.

Charlie patted his shoulder, the same kind of touch they always shared. "I'm glad that's cleared up. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I really thought you knew. After Averman caught me and Kenny Wu making out in the locker room, it was pretty much an open secret among the team. I guess I forgot that was after you left."

"No problem. I'm not… you're the first person I've ever told, so…"

They talked late into the night, about what it was like to keep the secret and to play hockey with it.

Charlie never once hinted he might find Adam attractive or that he'd ever have any interest in him, though. So Adam shoved those feelings back down and extinguished the burgeoning hope. Reminded himself he was happy, and lucky, to have the friendship back after he'd neglected it.

#

Adam thought that was the end of it. It should have been the end of it. Then fucking Stahl made the 'high school sweetheart' remark to some reporter and it became a thing.

Their team, opposing teams, the press, bloggers, fans, even ESPN started referring to them that way. It was a joke and he knew it but every time he heard, it set his teeth on edge. He was trying to forget the _what-could-have-beens_ and focus on _what-is._

He knew being pissed about it would only make it worse. So, at first, he bit his tongue, smiled half-heartedly at the reporters after games and rolled his eyes when other teams try to use it to get under his skin.

He could handle it. He could live with it and wait for it to die down. But Charlie played it up, insisting the only way it would stop was if everyone else got bored with the jokes. That would only happen if they didn't get the sulking reaction they were hoping for. So Charlie leaned into Adam during press conferences. Batted his eyes when their team played the wedding march in the locker room. Even snuggled up to him on the plane home after a long stretch of road games when Nate asked if they'd had a lover's spat because Adam hadn't taken the seat next to Charlie.

Adam knew Charlie was right, but he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't play along. Couldn't pretend that all those things he wanted for real were just a joke. He managed to hide his tension from everyone, but on the plane, with Charlie cuddled close and dozing off against his shoulder. He knew he couldn't do it anymore.

When the plane touched down, he grabbed his gear and was the first one off. He kept a lid on his frustration and let the team chalk his silence up to the bad game he'd had.

Charlie, however, knew him too well. As soon as they stepped into theapartment, his hand was on Adam's arm, stopping him from running to hide in his room.

"Adam, the game wasn't that bad. We all played like shit."

The fingers on his wrist stroked soothingly and Charlie was standing too close, comforting words whispering across his ear.

It was too much. It was everything he wanted and nothing he could have.

The weeks of frustration and years of bottled up longing erupted into disheartened anger.

"It's not about me playing like shit." He jerked out of Charlie's grip and ran shaky fingers through his hair. "It's about all your touchy-feely bullshit."

Charlie paled and his lips pinched. "Sorry. I thought you agreed it was the best way to make it blow over. If you didn't want it, you just had to say."

"That's the problem, I do want it."

The words tumbled out on waves of erupting emotion. In horror, he listened while everything he'd tried to lockdown surged out and he couldn't seem to stop himself.

"I wanted it then, back at Eden Hall. I want it now. You never looked at me like that, then. You don't look at me like that now, either. Unless you're playing some kind of game for the team or the media. So you have to stop. Because I know you don't mean it. But I want you to. It's getting harder and harder to remind myself it's not real. That it will never be real. That you don't look at me the way I look at you."

When the words finally wound down, Adam's breath was coming in short pants, like he'd just finished his morning run. It took him a minute to get his heart under control and find the courage to look up at Charlie, who'd been silent too long.

He stared at Adam with unblinking surprise, mouth half-open like whatever he was going to say had gotten stuck on his lips.

Adam shivered and bit his lip. Like things weren't fucked up enough. Now, he'd freaked out the only person in the world he gave a damn about, anymore.

When another minute past in silence, Adam dropped his head, turning toward the hallway and the sanctuary of his bedroom.

"Wait, wait." Charlie's hand landed on his bicep. Adam stopped, resisting the urge to shrug Charlie off and run. It was only fair to let him have his say after Adam had destroyed everything.

"I do," Charlie said quietly. "I look at you. Like that. I just didn't think you were looking at me. So I used the teasing as an excuse, hoping maybe you'd look back."

Adam turned slowly, afraid he was hearing what he wanted to hear. Afraid that, when he really looked, he'd only see disgust.

But Charlie had always been more impatient and more willing to go for what he wanted. He pushed into Adam, wrapped his hand softly around Adam's neck and tugged him close.

He stopped when their lips were a breath away. "Okay?" he whispered.

For once, Adam didn't hesitate. He moved in, gripped Charlie's hips to tug their bodies even closer.

"Better than okay," he murmured and kissed Charlie with a tender press of lips.


End file.
